Equally cursed and blessed
by DemonButtercup
Summary: With a curse like this, will a blessing ever come from it? SBRL slash. Complete.
1. Stars that fall

Hello! This is my first ever HP fic, so be nice to me, yeah? This was going to be a drabble length thing to begin with, but it got bigger. And bigger.

Disclaimer: I don't own them, I wish I did. I'm merely borrowing them for a nice lady named J.K. Rowling.

Note: Yep, its not too angsty at the moment but i fear it will be by the next chapter.

Warning: Yep, there is slash here. If you don't like that, maybe you should hit the 'back' button right now. I don't really fancy any flames from people who overlooked the warnings. There's really no point in torturing yourself over this if you hate it, is there?

If that's all settled, shall we begin?

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Equally cursed and blessed.

Tonight there would be a full moon. Not many people knew this or cared to know either. Only a small group of four who were currently sitting in the Griffindor common room would pay any particular amount of attention to this information, and they themselves had only just come to realize it. One of these boys was a lycanthrope, he sat on the edge of the sofa staring blindly into the fire, listening to the rain pelting against the high windows. Outside, the already dark sky was dimming to that of the evening sky.

Next to him sat James Potter, Quidditch extraordinaire, or so he would have you believe. He looked as bored as Remus felt, staring aimlessly at the fluttering snitch held in his left hand. Suddenly, he turned to Remus and spoke. "I can't believe you forgot there would be a full moon tonight! I mean, how do you forget something like that?" before Remus could answer, another voice answered for him, from somewhere down by his feet. "I'd say it was a good thing." Sirius lay gracelessly on the floor in front of the fire, staring up at the ceiling, "He's got a point" Remus finally said, the first thing he'd said for a while. "I haven't been feeling ill or anything, which I normally do. Maybe it means...tonight won't be so bad? I mean, I don't look ill do I?" James shook his head, but he still looked sceptical.

Today was Saturday, normally they would be doing something interesting. Something 'interesting' would normally mean, anything as long as it wasn't cooped up in Griffindor tower, like they were. It was raining hard, had been since yesterday morning and was showing no signs of letting up anytime soon. Therefore, nobody felt like going outside. And any innocent walking around the castle corridors would normally be considered being "up to no good" if they happened to cross paths with Filch the caretaker. Remus knew this was partly true anyway, because normally, when they did walk around the castle, an unsuspecting Slytherin would find themselves being hexed(or worse) by James and Sirius, while Remus and Peter would have nothing else to do but stand by and watch. Remus had tried time and time again to tell Sirius that if they didn't stop doing it, they would land up in serious trouble. But it seemed to go in one ear and out the other, so he just gave up. Anyway, nobody felt up to that today either, so they just stayed where they were. Being bored.

Peter sat on the floor next to Sirius, staring intently at a book, trying to finish his potions homework (though if he was actually reading it was anyone's guess) and would now and again sigh in a very exaggerated manner, while Sirius sat up and said "I'm bored." For the 20th time in half an hour. James looked just about ready to explode and threw a cushion at him. "Shut up! That's the 20th time you've said that. We're all bored, can't you tell? Bloody weather."

Everyone knew these boys, but only they knew themselves as the Marauders. Most people just saw their small group as James and Sirius. James known for his abilities on the Quidditch pitch and the fact that he was just smart overall, and Sirius with his amazing ability to make nearly ever girl he passed in the corridor blush deeply, just from being himself. If Remus didn't know them two, he probably would have been _very_ jealous. James being so effortlessly intelligent (how did it happen? He certainly didn't pay attention in any of his classes), Sirius for being beautiful and so damn popular. The way everyone liked him (apart from the Slytherins, especially Severus Snape who hated James just as much), the way he smiled, and the way his dark hair got in his eyes, making him look like one of those muggle rockstars. Not that Remus knew much about rockstars, weather they were muggle or otherwise. Yeah, he liked Sirius a lot, and so did the wolf.

Remus was pulled from his thoughts by the incessant tugging on his trouser leg. He looked down to see Sirius had dragged himself away from his place near the fire and was smiling up at him.

"What is it?" Remus asked nonchalantly.

"I'm sooo bored. Want to go down to the kitchen? We could get chocolate, the house elves know me, we could get loads..." his smile was so big, he looked like a kid opening christmas presents. However, the smile faltered when Remus shook his head. "No. I have to go soon anyway, remember? Madam Pomfrey will probably be here soon." He said in a quiet voice, not wanting anyone to hear. Seeing the disappointed look he was getting he added "I'm sorry. Really. Why don't you ask James?" Sirius aimed an incredulous look in James' direction, while the other black haired boy scowled back at him, snitch still in hand.

"No." Sirius replied, looking back at Remus. "He'd much rather sit here and torture himself over Evans. Its horrible what love does to you. Makes you all soppy and everything, nothing but trouble!"

Overhearing this, James chipped into the conversation. "Actually, I'll have you know, Padfoot, that shes starting to fall for me." He said with a smirk. "How can you tell?" Remus asked. "When she came through here earlier on today, she didn't swear at me, she only stuck her fingers up. Normally she does both." James added when he saw the unimpressed looks on his friend's faces.

"Oh." Remus replied, not knowing what else to say. Sirius' head dropped melodramatically onto Remus' knee. "Yeah, I mean, if that isn't love, I don't know what is." Remus smiled. "You may laugh and joke now pups, but I'm telling you, you wont be when me and Lily are married." James said, a self-satisfied grin plastered across his face.

A short while later, when Remus had gone back to staring into the fire, Sirius seemed on the verge of falling asleep with his head in Remus' lap, and Peter _had _fallen asleep with his head in his book, Madam Pomfrey silent arrived in the common room. She quickly caught Remus' attention. "Can I have a quick word Mr. Lupin?" she asked politely, gesturing to the portrait hole. Remus moved to stand up, earning an unhappy yelp from Sirius who had so abruptly lost his pillow, who stopped once he quickly climbed onto the sofa and curled up in the space Remus had been sitting in.

Madam Pomfrey made up some half hearted story about his father falling ill, and Remus needing to go home to see him straight away, just in case anyone happened to be listening. Of course, something like happened every month, on the night of the full moon. Remus nodded in all the right places, and when she finally said, "I'll be waiting for you downstairs" he knew she meant in front of the whomping willow.

"Thank you." He said finally. "I'll be down in a minute then." Madam Pomfrey smiled, nodded and then took her leave.

Remus turned and made his way over to his friends who were watching him intently, with the exception of Peter who was still asleep. There were only a couple of Griffindors' in the common room now, many of them having gone up to their dorms already, but still they spoke in lowered tones. "Guess I'll be going then." Remus finally said. Sirius nodded.

"You know...you don't have to come out tonight. I think I'll be ok by myself." Remus said quietly.

"_What??" _Sirius practically shouted, earning an elbow in the ribs from James. "Oww".His little outbreak didn't attract any unwanted attention thankfully, except from Peter who stirred in his sleep and muttered something softly which sounded strangely like "I want the cake".

"What do you mean?" James asked. "You don't normally go by yourself. What's so different about tonight? Are you feeling ok?"

"I'm feeling fine. I think I might be ok by myself tonight. And I don't want you lot having to come out with me all the time." He said, forcing a smile.

"Why do you think we became animagi? We want to help." James said. Sirius nodded. "We'll only be worrying if we're sitting around here. You could be out hurting yourself, you know?" Sirius added.

Remus shook his head. "I'll be fine, alright? You two really do worry too much! Just for tonight. It could be...changing. Please?" he asked. He took their silence as a yes. "Great. I'll see you tomorrow then." He said and he turned to go to the portrait hole. As he stepped out into the corridor he heard footsteps behind him. He turned to see Sirius coming up after him.

"What?" Remus asked, aware of the fact that by now Madam Pomfrey would probably be worrying about where he was.

Sirius stopped in front of him and grabbed hold of his arm. "It's just...be careful. And I mean it, be really careful. Just because your not feeling ill doesn't mean it'll all be great tonight. It's a werewolf remember?" He whispered the last bit.

Remus saw the worry in Sirius' eyes, even in the semi-darkness. He smiled and patted his arm comfortingly. When he spoke it was soft. "This is something I have to do by myself. You won't always be here for me." Strangely enough, it hurt to say that. He hesitated when he saw how sad Sirius now looked. "But I promise, as much as I can, I'll be careful." "You better be." Sirius said faintly "I wont be too happy to find you bleeding worse than normal tomorrow when I know I could have been there to stop it from happening."

Remus smiled, and took Sirius' hand, to lift it from his own arm. "Thank you for caring. Nobody has really cared that much before." He reluctantly let go of Sirius' hand and turned to make his way down the corridor.

Sirius stood there for a while, until it was silent, as though Remus hadn't been standing in front of him only a couple of minutes ago. Why had he been so effected by what the other boy had said? He felt sad. Sad for Remus and how he had so readily excepted what he had to go through alone. For a second, the injustice of it all made him want to cry. It was a curse, when Remus really needed a blessing. As he made his was towards the portrait hole, which was still open slightly, the Fat Lady spoke. "Young love..." she murmured sleepily. Sirius didn't know weather to smile at her or not.

Neither James nor Peter were in the common room when Sirius came back in. He was alone, save for the slowly dying embers of the fire and the continuing patter of the rain against the outside of the castle. He found them in their dormitory, James sitting on his bed, a Quidditch magazine in one hand, the snitch nowhere to be seen. Peter was already asleep, on his side turned away from them. James watched Sirius come in and sit down on his own bed, staring off into space.

"Couldn't change his mind then?" James asked, bringing Sirius out of his trance. "Hm? No, I don't know what's going on in that head of his. I really hope he's going to be ok though. I'm worried." Sirius said, turning to look at James, so he didn't have to look at the lonely unoccupied bed on the other side of the room.

"I'm worried too. We could always go down later. After his changed, just to make sure." As appealing as this sounded, Sirius shook his head. "No. He really wants to be alone. Seriously. Maybe we should just let him for tonight." James nodded, before scrambling under the covers to read his magazine. Sirius felt far too on edge to go straight to sleep. He looked out of the window, through the heavy rain and into the night sky. He saw the huge shining moon. Full and majestic in the sky, and yet evil for what it did to his friend. He saw the burning bright star next to it, winking happily as if everything was good in the world. The Dog Star. Despite himself, Sirius smiled. His star would be watching over the wolf even if he himself couldn't.

Madam Pomfrey left Remus at the entrance to the whomping willow. "I'll be there for you at 8 tomorrow morning. Is that ok dear? She was asking him sympathetically. Remus nodded, knowing that she would be there at 8, even if he said otherwise. She smiled weakly at his silent answer and patted his cheek as though he was a young child. "Good boy. Be safe" she said quickly as she gathered her robes around her to fend of the cold, and headed back towards the sanctuary of the school. Remus headed to a sanctuary of a different kind.

Now he stood shaky and alone in the bedroom of the Shrieking Shack. He stood in the darkness by the window, or what was left of it as it had been boarded up, like all the windows. The rain still managed to find its way in through the small gaps in the boards. A look of loathing painted his face as he stood staring up at the moon. It laughed back at him it seemed. The wolf inside him growled up at it, to Remus it felt like an itch in the back of his mind. He saw the Dog Star next to the moon, standing out like a beacon in the darkness. It gave him a faint glimmer of hope and he smiled.

_The dog should be with us. _The wolf suddenly said to Remus in his mind. _Where is he? _"He's safe." Remus replied simply. Could the wolf see the star too? He silently wished upon it, feeling like a child again. It made him think of James and Sirius, safe back up in Hogwarts. Did he make a mistake telling them to stay there tonight? Part of his mind said, yes, he did make a mistake. But he watched the star hopefully, and smiled when it winked down at him. He had one final thought, as he became to change. _Sirius will be with us after all._

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Well this is the first part done. I didn't mean for it to be this long, but...it is. Let me know what you think so far, because I'm not sure if I like it at the moment or not. I think, James and Sirius wouldn't have let Remus go out alone like that, really. BUT! In order for the story to work, I had to do that. I guess that makes them OOC. Oh dear. I'll post the second part ASAP. Thanks for reading -


	2. What they would deserve

Yep, I know it should have been longer, but length of a fic is never an issue with me. Because my fics are always short, and that will never change. Fact!

Disclaimer: Not mine. Dammit.

Warning: If you're here, do you really need a warning? Probably not. However, if you do, here it is: there is slash here, oh yes. If you hate that sort of thing, or don't know what it is, maybe you should...you know...go away.

Big thanks go out to: Seraphina pyre, D. Mo and Valeria Rue. Thanks for the kinda words, you rule.

Now then, onto the second (kind of short) part.

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Equally cursed and blessed- Part 2.

Remus saw before he opened his eyes. Images and pictures of things that made very little sense to him played behind his eyelids, for only him to see. They were like fragments of mostly forgotten memories, they could have come from hundreds of years ago, but they in fact came from only a couple of hours ago. Memories of another creature that was not Remus himself seemed like a millennium away from who he was, and yet would always be a part of him. Like a very old film, this images were rushed and in black and white, because this was how the wolf saw the world. A vague feeling accompanied these images, a feeling of being so lost and lonely that it made Remus even colder than he was just to think about it. He had never felt this before, but was this how the wolf normally felt? It must have been bad last night for him to remember the feeling so vividly the next morning and it did nothing to help his worsening headache.

He had to question this, what could have made the wolf so angry? The fact that he was alone all night? It made sense to think about it, he had told the others to stay away that particular night. What a mistake it had been. But he thought of them safe up in the castle again, and knew that they too shouldn't have to carry his burden. He could vaguely remember the wolf asking him where the dog was, just before the change came upon him. Sirius.

Obviously the wolf had not diminished entirely because a small voice spoke then, in the back of his head. _Yes, Sirius. Where was he? Why did you tell him to stay away, you wanted him here didn't you? Do you see now, how lonely it is? To be alone?_

"Yes." Remus mumbled to himself openly. _Next time he will be here. We need him. We can't be lonely anymore. _It was said with authority. So...this was what the wolf wanted. A mate? Remus shouldn't have been surprised but he was. He had read a long time ago about wolves and mating for life, but it hadn't bothered him, thinking that it wouldn't apply to him. But obviously it did. While he himself had gave it very little thought, clearly the wolf had been giving it plenty of thought. Enough to have gone and decided on Remus' best friend.

This would create a lot of problems in his mind. Obviously the wolf was final on this, but how would he tell Sirius? He wasn't sure if he couldn't even bring himself to tell him. He cared about the other boy a lot, and he was pretty sure that Sirius would be disturbed by the thought of being mated to another boy. He had gladly overlooked his own great interest in Sirius for a while now, quite sure that he would be laughed at for thinking about another boy like...'that'. And anyway, in his eyes it was quite obvious his friend was not that way inclined. It hadn't bothered Remus as much as it used to, being close to him was good enough, until now. Not to mention ruining their close friendship and leaving it in tatters.

He decided he would just have to leave the matter as it was, ignoring his own strong feelings and telling the wolf to do the same. "You can't have him." He said hoarsely, he throat burning. Remus opened his eyes slowly, surprised when he didn't get a reply. The burning blush on his cheeks gradually brought him back to himself. He then realized the blush wasn't the only thing burning his cheek, it felt as though his right cheek was badly cut. His face was wet as well, but he wasn't sure what it was, it could have been tears, blood, or sweat. He lightly brought a shaking hand up to rub his face, and found it came away red and sticky. Blood then. His eyes strained when they found the light spilling through the cracks of the boarded up window, it wasn't sunlight and it wasn't pitch black either, dawn maybe. Madam Pomfrey would not be there for a while then. He found he was lying on the floor of the bedroom of the shrieking shack. He turned his aching neck and reached up with the same bloodstained hand to grab the dirty cover off the bed. His whole body screamed in protest but he found he preferred even that to freezing to death on the cold, uninviting floor. He pulled the cover on top of himself clumsily, adding to the scarlet spotted material.

He lay his head back down onto the cold floorboards, his neck once again creaking. His throat was killing him. From what he could remember, changing was even more painfully than it normally was, so he put it down to the fact that he must have screamed his throat raw. Either that or the wolf had been barking and howling, which wouldn't have surprised him, searching all over for his mate.

He doubted that he would be able to sleep now, so he lay as still as his aching joints would let him, and tried to deal with the increasingly confusing feelings welling up inside him.

Unlike Remus, Sirius didn't need to wake up at all in the morning because he hadn't slept a wink all night. He had been far too worried about Remus to do something as trivial as fall asleep. At one point, it must have been about 2am, he _had_ tried in vain to sleep, but the ridiculously loud snoring coming from two different directions of the dorm had kept him awake.

At one point he had nearly gone down to the shrieking shack along, this was about 3am, but didn't fancy the idea of being torn apart by a raging werewolf. So he stayed in his bed, where he was completely uncomfortable. Sometimes he sat up and stared out the window, at the torrential rain that now looked like it intended on causing a flood, at the dwindling stars. He looked out onto the dark woods and wondered where Remus was, he thought that if he listened hard enough, he might just hear the wolf howling. But he couldn't. All he could hear was the unrelenting rain; it drowned all, even his friend's voice.

He had never been this worried about someone before. It wasn't that he was an uncaring person, no way, but he hadn't cared about someone like this either. No one kept him awake like this, his thoughts consumed by them.

At some point after that he did find some semblance of sleep, but it was fitful and restless. Dark, crawling creatures inhabited then place between sleep and dreams, their tongues lolled and kept him from the people he needed.

He woke a while later, half and hour at the most, gasping and his heart beating fast. He looked intently into the darkness of the dormitory, eager to pick out the creatures lurking there. When only silence greeted him he regulated his breathing as best he could, and told himself there really wasn't anything under his bed.

"How old are you?" he asked himself quietly. His voice cut through the silence like a knife, and he shook his head in an attempt to stop scaring himself. He lay like that for a while, refusing to look at his bedside clock and occasionally rubbing his eyes with his hands. His eyes would not slip shut by themselves now, in fact he was wide awake which was strange for him. He could normally sleep through anything and was always the last Marauder to drag himself from bed in the morning. The only thing to break the silence was James to his left, shifting dramatically in his sleep and the soft snoring, from both James and Peter.

Eventually Sirius' restlessness got the best of him, and he looked at the clock. 5am. He looked out from under the covers to see the sky was lightening slightly now, and birds sang happily outside the window. The rain has also relented slightly, which was good news. He got up quietly and got dressed quickly, his jeans and jumper lying on the floor in a heap by the side of his bed, ready for him to practically step into. His then grabbed James' invisibility cloak. He would normally have asked, but he knew James would probably complain at him for waking him up, and that in turn would probably wake Peter up too. He didn't expect to encounter and teachers anyway, but still, you can never be sure, and Filch and that mangy old cat of his always seemed to be on the prowl. Sirius' swore Filch never slept.

He slipped out of the dorm, and through the desolate common room. As he made his way through the portrait hole the Fat Lady mumbled something unpleasant at him for waking her. He managed a quick "Sorry" to her as he threw the cloak over himself and walked quickly down the stairs.

Remus wasn't sure when Sirius' appeared. He was just there suddenly. Remus had not slept either, instead he just lay on the floor motionless hoping that Madam Pomfrey would appear. But instead Sirius had appeared. He hadn't heard Sirius coming up the stairs but there he was, standing in the doorway. He looked like a spectre in the darkness, his skin pale white, to Remus he looked like he could disappear at any moment. Eventually Remus found his voice, at weak as it was.

"What are you doing here?" Not very polite, but he really wasn't in the state for a conversation right now. Sirius seemed to come out of his trance, the light coming back into his eyes.

"I-I was worried..." Sirius stuttered hopelessly. Remus' voice never sounded this raw before, even after a full moon. He had never seen Remus look this bad before, and he had seen him looking terrible. He looked like an unwanted doll a child had thrown on the floor. There was a huge gash on his left cheek that looked like it was still bleeding, the rest of his face painted with dirt. One of his arms stuck out from beneath the cover, his hand bloody, cuts adding to the scars that already littered his pale arms. One of his feet stuck out abruptly from beneath the cover, his ankle bitten badly enough to make it bleed freely and heavily. Sirius felt ill looking at his friend like this, this was something he shouldn't have seen. _I shouldn't be here. _

"I should have come with you. I'm such an idiot Remus." He slowly made his way towards his friend, kneeling down beside him. He took a deep breath. Remus looked up at him with bloodshot eyes, eyes still gold rather than hazel like they normally were. "I told you not to." He said finally to Sirius. "Please, don't blame yourself. It's not your fault."

Sirius shook his head, his sight clouding over with unshed tears. He felt so wrong, not just for staying up the castle, but for showing up now. He just felt guilty. "Whatever" he replied weakly. He stroked Remus' hair softly, for whose comfort he wasn't sure. Remus' eyes widened and he leant into the touch. "If I was here, this wouldn't have happened. You're hurt. Badly. It could have been prevented. Your face...it's still bleeding." Remus nodded as Sirius took his sleeve and wiped it over his cheek gently, to wipe the blood away. "It's really deep...is it gonna scar?" Sirius asked him, inspecting the wound. "Probably." Remus said unhappily.

"You don't have to do this" Remus said quietly after Sirius finished cleaning his face. Sirius just shrugged and blushed slightly. Remus managed a small smile, despite how much his face hurt due to the cut. He couldn't help but smile at the kindness of this boy. He felt something moving in his hand lying on the floor and looked down to find Sirius' finger's in his palm. What exactly was going on here? Remus' heart skipped a beat at the contact but he didn't know what else to do other than curl his finger's around Sirius'.

"I know I don't have to do this, but I want to. It's the least I can do." He had been inspecting their hands but he looked up now, his eyes still shining. _He's never looked like this before. _They kept eye contact and Remus felt his cheek slowly begin to glow more red.

"You should go back to the castle." Remus said finally. He didn't really want him to go at all, but he didn't know how long had passed and he didn't want Sirius getting caught on account of him. Sirius was quite for a while. "If you want me to." He said reluctantly. "I'm not trying to make you go, but if Madam Pomfrey shows up...you'll be in trouble." Sirius nodded and slowly untangled his hand from Remus' but he didn't move. "You got a point. I'll go back if that's what you want but...you'll be ok yeah?" He asked, moving a bit closer. "I'll be fine. Hopefully." Remus replied trying to sound reassuring.

Sirius nodded once more. He looked like he wanted to say anything, but instead he didn't. Remus was about to ask him what was wrong, when he suddenly bent down and placed a hesitant kiss on Remus' forehead. He got up quickly, grabbing the invisibility cloak as he stood up. "I'll come visit you in the hospital wing later." He said quietly. Remus, still quite dazed, smiled at him. He quickly made for the bedroom door and made his way down the staircase.

_Why did I just do that? _Sirius asked himself as he made his way down the tunnel towards the whomping willow. There was no answer from his conscience, but at least their friendship wasn't smashed to pieces like he was first afraid it would be. He still felt terrible for leaving poor Remus up there, but now, at least he was glad he went up there after all. If Remus was still there with him, he would have agreed that it wasn't a bad thing to do at all.

There's the second part done, this and the third part were going to be all in one chapter, but as usual, it just went on and on and on...so it became too long. I finally have an idea of where this is going now. Yay! Anyway, tell me what you think;)


	3. Insomnia

This took me forever to get out, I really don't know what was going on with this chapter. As a result I'm so-so with it, but other than that..not much else is happening! I promise the next chapter will make up for that.

Disclaimer: Still not mine.

Warning: Um...some angst I guess. I'm not so sure if I'm really that good at writing it...but there you go. Other than that, warnings for the usual.

Thanks to all the kind people who reviewed so far. You keep my writing ;)

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_This life is never fair,_

_The angels that you need are never there,_

_But sometimes he comes to me,_

_In the dead of winter, dead of night,_

_He's all that I can see..._

'Hold onto me'- Courtney Love

Equally cursed and blessed- Part 3.

The walk back to Gryffindor tower was quite uneventful for Sirius. The tears which had been threatening to fall while he was at the shack had fallen shortly after he passed the whomping willow. This along with the ever-present rain obscured his vision. His tears were as hot and sharp as he knew they would be, and he brought his hand up to mercilessly wipe them from his cheeks. He could already feel the heavy headache coming on because of it. At least it would keep him from thinking about what had just happened, for a few minutes at least. Not to mention what he had seen. And that reminded him, Remus would want an explanation for _that_ kiss when he eventually came back from the hospital wing.

_You've royally screwed this one up Black. _Said that annoying little voice in his head that sounded strangely like James Potter. _What will you tell him? It was out of pity? Or that you just can't contain your urges? Or was it 'cause you love him? _Sirius froze at that, outside the Fat Lady's painting. That seemed a good enough answer, strange as it might be, although he had a hard time admitting it to himself. He had tiptoed around that word earlier, and it was always because of Remus.

Seeing Remus as he had only reinforced what he felt, and he wasn't even sure what it was he was feeling, up until now. He'd never been _in love _before, so he couldn't compare this to any other feelings he'd had before. Maybe it was a crush? Nope, he'd had hundreds of them while being at Hogwarts, he always seemed to have one in fact. But they had never felt like this before. Sirius shivered, knowing he couldn't possibly tell the other boy the truth, should he ask. And he knew the lame excuse of 'I wasn't thinking' would not fare well with a certain Mr. Lupin. That boy knew a lie when he heard it, and he also knew Sirius Black better than he knew himself.

"I'll cross that bridge when I come to it." Sirius murmured to himself. He was startled from his thoughts by the Fat Lady. "What? Who said that?" she asked the seemingly deserted corridor. It then occurred to Sirius that that he was still standing in front of her in the invisibility cloak. He hastily removed it then, leaving his hair in disarray, and the Fat Lady gave a sigh of relief and fanned herself melodramatically. "Oh, Mr. Black it was you...where have you been at this hour?" she asked suspiciously to which Sirius simply said "Doesn't matter." She nodded, half expecting a sullen reply like that. "Does it have anything to do with your friend? Lupin, wasn't it?" she inquired. "How'd you guess?" Sirius asked a bit too quickly, surprised at her guess.

"He hasn't returned to the dormitory since he left last night. Quite unusual behavior if you ask me. Also...your eyes seem quite bloodshot, dear. Have you been crying?" Sirius looked away and subconsciously rubbed at his eyes again. He wanted nothing more than to lie down and will his headache away. _What is this? Am I getting a pep talk from a portrait?_ He almost giggled despite himself, and instead brought his dark gaze back to the portrait again, she was talking again. "Your really do care about that boy don't you? I've seen many things, and I know this, even if you don't know yourself." Why lie? "Of course I care about him. He's one of my best friends." Sirius replied, clearly seeing what she was getting at. She raised her eyebrows at him incredulously and what she said next wasn't what Sirius had been expecting. "If you have something to tell the boy, tell him, if you don't, you might regret it. _Okay...how does she know so much? She's been around for a while, I guess._ "I'll keep it in mind." He said aloud. "Look, I'm really tired-". She smiled down at him.

"Of course, of course. What's the password?"

"Boiling butterbeer."

"Right you are dear." She replied happily as the portrait swung inwards.

Getting advice on your love life from a talking portrait...how often did that happen? _I must be dreaming..._But despite his initial reaction, he did take her words into consideration. Well, who else could he talk to? James? Haha, that was a laugh! Compared to angsting over the situation, telling Remus did seem like a better option. And Remus hadn't seemed very disgusted in the shrieking shack, had he? That was a good sign. _He was probably just too shocked to react_, the cynical James-in-his-head replied. _And do you really want to ruin a perfectly good friendship? _"Shut up!!" Sirius whispered to the empty common room.

He stopped by the sofa in front of the now dead fire, and wondered whether he should just wait down there until everyone else got up in a couple of hours. However, he remembered the invisibility cloak under his arm and decided his dark little bed was more inviting than the cold common room. He restlessly made his way up the steps, two at a time up to the dorm, knowing full well that he wouldn't be getting anymore sleep.

The dorm was surprisingly bright despite the rain. The low clouds bathed the room in a pale gray light and Sirius wished at that moment that he wasn't the only one awake. James and Peter lay silently in their beds, Peter with his curtains drawn, and James asleep on his side, his arm hanging gracelessly over the side of the bed. Sirius quietly made his way to James' side and replaced the invisibility cloak.

It felts as though it had been days since Sirius last slept in his bed, though it was little over an hours ago since he left the dorm. So he fell onto his disheveled bed, pillow askew and covers practically hanging off the bed. He lay there fully clothed, having seen no point in getting changed again if he was only going to be dragged up again in a couple of hours. He stared at James, lying there, happily dreaming away. And was that a smile touching his lips? Sirius gritted his teeth. _Git. He's doing this on purpose. Nobody ever looks that happy asleep! _He rolled over and covered his eyes with his dark hair. When his eyes refused to shut by themselves, he pressed his palms to his eyes. He was so tired, he felt like the living dead. The pale gray color of the room seeped in though his eyelids. He suppressed a scream of frustration and buried his face in the pillow.

His mind was working in overdrive, and his body was crying out for rest, his bed had never felt so uncomfortable. He'd much preferred to lie down on the cold floor of the shrieking shack next to Remus. _Remus. _The guilt of leaving him there was upon him again, eating away relentlessly. He thought of the werewolf, as he'd seen him, lying in the dirt, as pale as a porcelain doll. For the second time that day, he shouldn't have listened to Remus, who was always right, he should have stayed. How happy would he have been to stay? And who cared if Madam Pomfrey found out? He would have gladly suffered detention, or anything else they'd have thrown at him, just to keep Remus from being left alone. From feeling like some unwanted, unloved thing. Because he was neither of them things, Sirius knew this quite surely now.

He felt his eyes tearing up again, the pillow beneath his cheek was wet, and he shivered. _Oh not again, pull yourself together! _And yet the guilt remained. He could have put his arms around the too thin shoulders, to keep his friend from feeling the cold he was surely feeling now. If he ran his fingers through the stiff brown hair again, would Remus have leant into the touch like he did last time? He would have kissed his pale forehead again, because when he did that he noticed the flicker of gold, which had occurred in his friend's eyes. Sirius could have been looking down at someone else in that moment. He would have kissed his poor dirty cheeks as well, regardless of the blood, and the deep gash that Remus had predicted would scar, just to keep his friend from looking so rejected. Only a handful of people knew what Remus suffered and why, and where were they now?

Remus was loved more than he could ever now, but none of that could happen now. But Sirius _could_ tell Remus the truth, like the Fat Lady had suggested.

_How am I meant to survive this? _Sirius thought helplessly He had no answer. Instead, he lay motionless and waited for the rest of Gryffindor tower to awaken. His own personal Hell had never been so dark.

Remus was awake as well. Needless to say, he rarely found it easy to sleep after the full moon, despite his exhaustion. Sometimes, if he were lucky he'd fall unconscious after the transformation and would stay that away until Madam Pomfrey came for him. Today, Sirius had appeared instead. Lupin knew that the wolf would have howled with joy, had he been able to. It had been something of a surprise to both of them, and Remus would have reached out to embrace his friend if he had been in better shape. He could almost feel the wolf pushing forward to try and escape his own body, which is why his heart nearly stopped when Sirius kissed him. How he had wanted to return it. It was also why the hand that Sirius had gently held was now clenched tightly, despite the pain. Had there been tears in Sirius' eyes? It broke Remus' heart just to think about it.

The wolf was proving very difficult to contain, if he hadn't sent Sirius away, he could have very easily said or done something he would regret very quickly. Despite what he and the wolf felt, it was likely that the wolf's 'mate' didn't return the feelings. That too chaste kiss could have been nothing, as much as it hurt to admit. And if that was the case, he was expecting an endless amount of bloody, painful full moons ahead of him.

The warmth he had felt when Sirius had touched him had long dissipated, and as much as he had desperately clung to the warmth he was now left feeling cold and empty. Like an immobile bird, grounded with a broken wing. _You will tell him. Tell him he is our mate. He has to know._ The wolf whispered in a commanding voice. It was little more than an echo in the back of his mind now. Remus, too tired to argue with the half imagined voice simply let the wolf take his silence for an agreement. Remus wondered how much of a difference there was between loving someone and being someone's mate, he also wondered who truly had noticed Sirius first, he or the wolf, as he shut his eyes with a sigh.

He absently took note of the quiet footfalls on the stairs that told him Madam Pomfrey had finally arrived. The diminishing voice of the wolf told him he would soon get the blessing he had waited so long for.

I think the next part will be the final part. It took me a long time to figure out how to get around this part of the story. While its finally finished, I'm not sure what I think of it. Your comments are always welcome!

_This life is never fair,_

_The angels that you need are never there,_

_But sometimes he comes to me,_

_In the dead of winter, dead of night,_

_He's all that I can see..._

'Hold onto me'- Courtney Love


	4. Blessings

Here it is. The final part(gasp!) if you've come this far then I really must thank you!

Disclaimer: Checks nope still not mine.

Warnings: Angst, slashy-ness(yay! But only a little bit) and stuff.

Other than that…enjoy ;)

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Equally cursed and blessed- Part 4

Sirius watched the faint light spill from outside and make its way slowly across the walls of the dorm, through a half-opened curtain. His eyes were red, his head buzzed and his thoughts were a jumbled mess.

After what seemed like an eternity of waiting, James was the first to wake up. He stuck his head out of his covers, hair more disheveled than normal, eyes still half closed due to sleep. He blinked when he finally noticed Sirius sitting at the end of his bed, staring at him. He put his hand out, which fumbled blindly at his bedside table until it came into contact with his glasses. His other hand rubbed absently at his eyes, then he put his glasses on. But he frowned when he looked at Sirius again as though he had expected him not to be there.

"What's wrong?" he asked simply. _What's wrong? Well, a lot of things right now, thanks very much._ Sirius pushed his conflicting thoughts aside and through clenched teeth told a blatant lie: "Nothings wrong. What makes you say that?" James smiled and raised his eyebrows.

"Because you're up before the rest of us. And that never happens. Oh, and you look like death warmed up." He added casually. Sirius nodded.

"Thanks Jamie." James beamed at him and ran a hand through the back of his hair. He bound happily to the end of his bed so he was sitting exactly opposite Sirius. Only James Potter could be this happy first thing in the morning. Sirius sighed at the thought.

The happiness was fading quickly from James' face as he quickly took in his friend's disheveled appearance. His hair was a mess sticking out at all angles, so it rivaled even James'. His eyes were glassy as though he had been crying or had had no sleep. His face was even paler than usual.

"God Siri, you really look a fright. Gonna tell me what's wrong?" James asked quietly. "And don't tell me its nothing" he added as an afterthought.

Sirius looked cautiously over James shoulder at Peter's sleeping form. When he was satisfied peter was really asleep and not feigning it for whatever reason, he looked back at James. Living in a household like the Black household will make you nervous about that kind of thing. He knew he couldn't tell James everything, he was still confused himself. And right now, the thought of James' reaction to his feelings towards Remus terrified him. He wouldn't hate him, couldn't hate him, could he? They were brothers in every way except blood. And it was for this very reason that he couldn't lie to James, he just couldn't tell him everything right now. So he begun, only looking up occasionally at James to gage a reaction.

"I went to see Remus." James shifted. "Really? What, last night?" Sirius shook his head. "No. This morning, after his changed. I guess I must have just wanted to make sure he was okay, since we weren't there last night."

"And was he?"

"No."

"Merlin, Sirius, you should have told me, I would have gone with you. Hang on a sec…how did you get out? Filch would have seen you, or someone…" Sirius looked up then and smiled rather sheepishly. " I borrowed your cloak. Sorry." James's eyes widened and he looked instinctively at the chest at the end of his bed where the cloak was hidden. His gaze shot back to Sirius and he fairly shouted; "What! And you didn't even ask!"

Sirius pointed over at peter and whispered "Shut up! You'll wake Pete. And how could I ask you? You were asleep-you would have killed me for waking you up! Don't tell me you wouldn't" James' brow creased as he took this into consideration.

"Ok. You have a point. So Remus, is he ok?" Sirius ran a hand through his messy hair. _What would be considered ok? _"Well, he's alive if that's what you mean. He's…he's worse than he normally is. Remember how he looked before we learned how to become animagi?"

Of course James remembered, how could he forget? He remembered how Remus came back after a full moon while they had been learning the animagus spell, looking literally like he had been dragged through hell and back-how James would have given anything to help Remus then.

"I knew we should have gone with him" James stated presently. "What made him think last night would be any different?" Sirius shook his head.

"I don't know. It's just…seeing him like that, it made me feel so bad for leaving him, you know? To let him do that to himself" James looked troubled by this. Nobody was to blame, but to him, it seemed that Sirius had to taken it all upon himself. Eventually he said gently "Hey, don't you dare blame yourself. If you're guilty, then we all are. And your so much better than us, you went out to him. You must really care." Sirius gingerly rubbed at his eyes.

"I do. More than anything."

Luckily for Sirius, Peter chose this particular moment to intervene. In a flurry of blankets and even more mussed hair the conversation was over. When Peter saw James and Sirius sitting at the ends of their respective beds he broke into a smile.

"Hello you two! What are you still doing here? Would have thought you'd gone down to breakfast already or…were you waiting for me?" he asked hopefully.

"Uh…yeah. We were waiting for you Pete. Gimme a minute while I go and change" James said hastily and smiled when he noticed Sirius' bemused look. Once they were alone, Sirius flopped down onto his bed, truly exhausted.

"Sleep ok, Sirius?" Peter inquired.

"Like the dead" Sirius replied.

At breakfast, Sirius' mood did not lighten as Peter had begun to notice. As the three friends made their way into the great hall Severus Snape and another equally greasy looking Slytherin were on their way out. As they came closer Snape eyed the disheveled Sirius and opened his mouth to comment when Sirius beat him to it with a fierce "Shut it".

Severus raised an eyebrow but didn't look very surprised by this outburst.

"What's wrong with Sirius, James? He seems more angry than usual." Pete whispered to James behind Sirius.

"Nothing" James replied simply. Then, "I'll tell you later." They sat down at the end of Gryffindor table, Sirius and James next to each other, as usual and Peter sitting opposite them, looking nervously at Sirius and back at James. Breakfast proceeded in uncomfortable silence. James alternated between sneaking worried looks at the boy next to him and looking around desperately for Lily Evans.

Sirius quickly became bored with knocking around the singular piece of toast on his plate, not to mention staring at the empty space next to Peter. It was a relief to James and Peter when he mumbled "I'm not feeling too good. I'm going back to the common room." He looked to James for understanding, James nodded.

"Okay. See you there then" Sirius managed a quick smile and nodded to James and Peter before making his escape.

Sirius stood in the relative quiet of the corridor to compose himself. He rubbed him palms against his burning eyes. _Thank God _he thought_, Those silences were stifling. _After taking a deep breath he turned left and made his way down the corridor, even though the common room was to the right. He would visit the hospital wing first.

He'd never liked the hospital wing. Naturally. Ever since he had made his first visit, in the first year after falling off his broom and injuring his leg, he'd always made every attempt to avoid the place. Needless to say, he didn't make the Quidditch team. He left that to James. Unfortunately for Sirius, making friends with a particular werewolf meant his visited the hospital wing at least once every month. Not that he really minded it, nor would he blame Remus for that.

He made his way through the doors and his senses were invaded immediately by the smells of sickness and assorted potions, making his headache even worse. Madam Pomfrey was making her way towards him.

"Mr. Black" was all she said. Sirius didn't know if this was a greeting or not, so he didn't reply. "I do hope it's nothing too severe" she remarked. Obviously she was misunderstanding his reasons for being there.

"No, it's not me Madam Pomfrey. Um..is Remus Lupin here?" she didn't seem very surprised at this question.

"yes" she said quickly but not unkindly.

"Can I see him?"

"No, he asleep right now, I'd prefer it if he wasn't woken." Sirius sighed, defeated.

"Fine. When he wakes up, will you tell him I came to see him?"

Madam Pomfrey smiled a surprisingly sunny smile. "Of course I will Mr. Black." He took some comfort in this."Thanks."

_Poor Lupin. The boy's affliction is terrible._ Poppy Pomfrey wouldn't wish lycanthropy on anyone. And what made that poor innocent boy deserving of such a curse? She was quite certain his friend's knew as well, but they seemed to care for him immensely, so she would keep it to herself. And despite their uncommon ability to create havoc wherever they went, Sirius Black and James Potter were fiercely protective of Lupin. Especially Black. For all his misfortune, she was pleased Lupin had such good friends.

The common room was practically deserted, since everyone was down at breakfast. Sirius sat staring into the fire, and today seemed to be a re-run of exactly what happened yesterday, lots of sitting around doing nothing because of the rain. His mind drifted to the hospital wing. All he had to do was wait.

"Lo' Siri" James' broke Sirius' reverie. He was standing in the portrait hole, a worried but curious Peter standing behind him.

"Hi" he replied solemnly. James proceeded to make his way to the sofa while Peter took up his favourite place next to the fire, before grabbing a magazine someone had left there the night before. As Sirius dimly observed this, James said "So, did you see Remus?"

"How did you know?" Sirius asked, not being able to keep the surprise out of his voice.

"Ah! I know you better than you know yourself Black" James chimed. "So did you?"

"No." Sirius replied. "Pomfrey said he was asleep. Didn't want him woken up apparently, as if I would!"

"You would", James stated with all the care of a good friend. "So is this why your in such a bad mood? And why you nearly bit Snape's head off?" Sirius smiled darkly at that memory.

"Yep, I suppose it is. And as for Snivellus, I would have bitten his head off anyway." This was the Sirius James knew. He patted his friend on the shoulder like a proud brother.

"Right you are Padfoot" From his place on the floor Peter smiled.

Slowly the students began to come back from breakfast, making their ways to their normal spots around the room or up in the dorms, everytime the portrait swung open, Sirius' head would shoot up, but it was never Remus. Always just another anonymous Gryffindor. And so Sirius would turn back to his current job: staring into the fire. _I wonder if staring this long into the fire will do me any permanent damage? _

Today promised to be even worse than yesterday. James' highlight of the day had been his only glimpse of Lily. He had managed a quite overexcited "There she is!!" as she made her way though the common room with a friend. Unfortunately for him, she had simply laughed at his attempt to get her to sit with him.

"Not in a million years Potter" had been her searing reply. Her brunette friend had giggled at her disdainful look, and they made their way to the girl's dormitory. When James turned to Sirius, his pale face had been a bright shade of red thanks to the not so subtle brush off.

"She likes me really. She'll realise soon."

"Keep telling yourself that."

At around 4 o'clock a boy stepped through the portrait hole, hardly anyone noticing him because of the shadows he wrapped himself in. his face was pale, paler than normal, and a plaster lay across his cheek. The jumper he wore looked ten times too big for him and the arms were too long, so he bunched them in his hands. But this was necessary because they covered his scars. Only Sirius noticed him, and stopped noticing everything else. His heart ached at the image before him, this boy was everything. James followed Sirius' stare and broke into a smile.

"Moony! Your back!" Remus placed a shaky hand against the wall for balance and gave a pained smile.

At this James and Sirius were on their feet immediately, rushing forward to steady the uneasy newcomer. As they did Sirius took in the wreck on a boy before him. Remus certainly did not look as bad as he had in the shack, but still, to see him now as he was, under proper light and such conditions was still startling. It had been quite a while ago since they had been accustomed to seeing Remus like this. Since their completion of the animagus spell they had prevented their friend from inflicting this much upon himself. Sirius was immediately transported back to previous years when the three other Marauders would wait anxiously for their friend to return after a night alone in the shack. The unbearable waiting would conjure images of what Remus could have done to himself in their absence. And here it was again.

Thankfully, Remus had been cleaned up, free from dirt and dried blood. This however only seemed to accentuate his almost preternatural pallor as well as the heavy bags under his eyes which accompanied it. Along with his unusually pale lips and hair in disarray he looked, quite literally, like the living dead. His heavy jumper hung from his too-frail shoulders and hung uselessly over his bandaged hands. He never wore the jumper otherwise, but it did serve to conceal his newly acquired cuts and bruises.

Presently, he mumbled a shaky "Hi guys." Peter looked up then at the new voice, having been very close to falling asleep again.

"Oh Remus, your back."He said when he noticed Remus. "How do you feel?"

"That's got to be the most stupid thing you've ever asked" James said sharply as he put his arm out to steady the other boy. Seeming to ignore James' tone, Remus smiled at the smaller boy.

"I'm feeling okay, thanks Peter." Peter, feeling some kind of acceptance through this exchange stood up then, wanting to help as well.

"To the dorm?" Sirius inquired to James and Remus. "You look knackered," he added. Remus smiled at him, and it added a tiny bit of colour to his pale cheeks. "Yes, and thanks". As the three made their way towards the dorm, earning a few funny looks from their fellow Gryffindors, James turned back to Peter.

"Don't worry Pete, stay here. It doesn't take three of us to take him to the dorm, we'll be back in a sec." Peter smiled in reply but it didn't touch his eyes.

James stopped at the door to the dormitory after Sirius assured him he could handle the rest himself. Remus turned around and smiled again at him.

"Thanks for the help James. Really."

"Not a prob. Just get lots of sleep, Rem. Okay?" Remus nodded and at that James had vanished from the doorway.

The short walk to Remus' immaculately made bed was made excruciatingly painful for Sirius, for he was a bit too aware of the almost too tight grip Remus' cold uninjured hand had on his own. He squeezed it reassuringly, to try and warm it a little and to tell himself that, yep, they were touching. Other than that all else Sirius was aware of was the too loud heartbeat which seemed deafening to his own eyes. Absently he wondered if it was so loud that Remus could hear it, then decided that being a werewolf he probably could. _Oh Merlin,_ he thought, _what if he's thinking about earlier? About what I did earlier! What if he mentions it? What if he thinks I'm strange or bent or something?_ His inner voice answered: Well, are you?

Before he could answer he was brought back to reality by a bump against his shins…as he walked straight into the side of Remus' bed.

"Ouch. Shit!" he cried. Remus giggled and let go of Sirius' hand.

"Watch yourself Padfoot. You were miles away." And with that he climbed into bed.

How embarrassing…Sirius thought. He could feel the blood rushing to the surface of his cheeks, so he avoided Remus' eyes and busied himself by tucking the werewolf in. anything to avoid those brown eyes. I swear he can read my mind. 

"Um…okay. So what are you doing?" Remus asked from under the sheets. He sounded exhausted but faintly amused.

"Tucking you in. Of course." Sirius stated off handedly, still avoiding his eyes.

"Of course" Remus agreed. "But why?"

"Because." Was all Sirius said, and it's all he would have said had one pale hand not spidered over his own to halt the movement.

"Sirius?" Sirius kept his eyes on the bed. Nothing else.

"Look at me." His eyes moved up, not of their own accord, but at the commanding voice. They found the face of a living doll. The gold brown eyes still burned with a faint fierce intelligence that was not wholly human. Only the plaster on the cheek ruined the illusion. Sirius could feel himself breaking.

"What are you afraid of?" Remus asked gently.

"Nothing." Sirius replied quickly. It seemed that would be his answer for everything.

"You're not telling the truth, you're not a very good actor, you know. Is this about what happened earlier?" the wolf asked, and the hand was removed, to move under Sirius' own and clasp at his fingers. Sirius was strangely confused, by the coaxing voice and the oddly possessive movement of the hand. His eyes clouded.

"Maybe."

"Don't be worried" Remus replied immediately. But it wasn't the commanding voice of the wolf but the gentle tone of his friend. Sirius truly saw Remus then and the other boy smiled happily.

"I'm not confused at all." Remus admitted. Sirius felt like the weight of the world had been lifted from his shoulders. Surely that couldn't mean what he thought. He fumbled thoughtlessly for his words.

"So…do you mean…you liked it?" he laughed nervously at his lack of better words and Remus laughed too, not unkindly.

"Of course I did!" Remus replied. He seemed to look straight through Sirius, but he sounded so sincere. "It was the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. Nothing like that has ever happened to me before." He didn't seem aware of it but his eyes were becoming glassy. When a tear ghosted down his cheek Sirius raised his free hand to wipe it away.

"Thank you." Remus whispered, Sirius smiled.

"Your shattered, I'm keeping you awake." Sirius said and Remus nodded.

"You're a blessing Sirius Black. I know what he meant now. I'm only glad I found you when I did." Sirius didn't know who "he" was but if he had to guess, he'd guess Remus meant the wolf, it appeared to be another entity altogether. He smiled, still surprised by the claim but before he could turn to leave Remus say sleepily "Don't I get a goodbye kiss again?"

_Did I hear that right? _When Sirius looked down and saw the hopeful smile painted over tired features all doubt was banished from his mind. He knelt down again, his eyes never leaving Remus'. Hesitantly and a little bit daring, he kissed him again for the second time that day. But instead of finding his cheek again, he found his lips.

It was only a chaste kiss, nothing like those melodramatic kisses he saw in muggle films, but it was the first of many and very unlike those he had shared with this and that girl on Valentines Day and other such events. There was something to this kiss, because he cared so much for this person. If Remus was surprised by the kiss, he was not showing it, he kissed back. Despite how pale Remus' lips are, Sirius thought, they still manage to be soft. _That's sooo cheesy. _He laughed into the kiss and broke away.

The laughter dissolved the nervous atmosphere and Remus smiled too, thankful for it.

"I heard that you came to see me in the hospital wing. Madam Pomfrey told me before I left." Remus said quietly, not breaking eye contact.

"Yeah. She wouldn't let me see you. Probably thought I'd wake you up." Sirius said hesitantly, feeling nervous again.

"You probably would have. But I wouldn't have minded, it's nice that you cared enough to come see me." Remus looked tired, and Sirius knew it would probably be best to just let the boy sleep. But he smiled still.

"We would have come to see you anyway. We normally do, don't we?"

"Yes…but it was you. So thanks." No more words were needed, as their eye contact spoke volumes. Despite the blush on Sirius' cheeks, the silence between them was not uncomfortable.

"Are you going to tell James?" Remus asked, eventually sounding more tired by the minute.

"Yeah. But not now. I'll tell him soon though." Sirius said truthfully. James was his best friend, he couldn't _not_ tell him. "Don't worry about that now anyway. Sleep little wolf!" He smiled and patted down Remus' hair. "When you wake up, I'll be here." He added.

"Thank you." Remus said, sounding truly thankful. The moment his eyes fluttered shut he was sleep. For the first time in as long as he could remember his dreams were not haunted by unknown terrors, or terrors he knew only too well. Sirius's hand rested on Remus' and he looked down into the calm face of the person he never knew he would care so much about. He had never been in love before, so he would not be able to give a name to the complex feeling he was beginning to feel until much later.

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I really hope you enjoyed, it took me ages toget it all out. Please tell me what you think, and I want to say a huuuuge thank you to anyone that's ever read or reviewed this fic, you really don't know how much you've helped me out. Thank you!


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